Learning to Say Goodbye
by Mistic
Summary: Sometimes the hardest thing in the world is just knowing how to let go. Follow Serena as she learns to say good-bye to the only father she has ever known.


Title: Learning to Say Goodbye  
Author: Mistic  
E-mail: mistic@flash.net  
Subject: Grief  
~ Flash back/foreword  
  
,-_-, ,-_-, ,-_-, ,-_-, ,-_-, ,-_-, ,-_-, ,-_-, ,-_-, ,-_-, ,-_-,   
  
Sometimes things happen that we regret and wish we could do over   
again. We find ourselves asking "if only" and make excuses for what   
happened. However, sometimes the only thing we can do is move on...  
  
  
It had been three years since her father passed away, but for   
Serena Shields, the time could not have passed more slowly.   
  
It had been an accident. A drunk driver, the police had said. He   
had been speeding through that intersection. Glass and other derby had   
been scattered as if by a tornado. Blood. The ground was covered in so   
much blood. It made everyone wonder how the other man, the drunk, ever   
survived at all...  
  
~  
  
"Come on, Sere!" A raven-haired girl shouted to her friend across   
the street. "If you don't hurry up, we are going to be late!"  
  
"I'm coming! I'm coming." A blonde called as she dashed across   
the busy street.   
  
  
The young woman wore the uniform of Azabu High School, a   
prestigious private school in the Tokyo area, under her overcoat, which   
was unbuttoned from her bow up. The blonde's slight frame looked almost   
unnatural in the overcoat but the rain would have soaked her to the bone   
had she not been wearing it. Her pale skin stood out in stark contrast to   
her attire yet she did not appear to be sickly. Azure eyes sparkled with life   
and energy, and her golden hair seemed to shimmer even in the haze of   
the evening rain.  
  
  
Four young women of about 17 stood waiting under the shelter of an   
overhang outside of Movies 12. They were all dressed in winter coats and   
had umbrellas tucked under their arms. They watched as if in awe as the   
energetic blonde weaved through traffic, avoiding any and all collisions   
with care. Miraculously, the girl made it through unscathed.  
  
  
"Hey, Serena. Have detention again?" A girl with short bluish black   
hair inquired softly as she pulled her coat tighter against the chilly   
December breeze.   
  
Puffs of frozen breath and an icy glare were the other girl's only   
response to her friend.   
  
"Na-she was probably flirting with that hottie, Andrew, from the   
arcade." A tall brunette joked good-naturedly, nudging her friend in the   
ribs. "I always knew she had a crush on him."  
  
"Andrew is nothing more than a good friend." Serena stated,   
crossing her arms over her chest. If looks could kill, the brunette would   
have been dead a long time ago. "And I will thank you to remember that,   
Lita."  
  
"Sheesh! I was only kidding." Lita muttered under her breath.  
  
  
"Oh, leave her alone, guys." A girl with waist length golden hair   
stated, exasperated. "She probably go caught up in a verbal sparing   
match with that hottie Darien Shields. We all know how much she -loves-   
him."  
  
  
The look of horror that washed over the Serena's features was   
enough to send her friends rolling around on the ground in near hysteria.   
  
  
"I do not love him!" Serena cried in frustration. Her cheeks burned   
with embarrassment as realization dawned upon her. "And he is NOT hot!"  
  
"Sure he isn't, Sere, and you were not staring at him yesterday when   
you thought no one was looking." Rei, the raven-haired girl, taunted giving   
her friend a knowing smile.   
  
  
"I WAS NOT!"  
  
  
"Right and if we believe that then Amy here is not Valedictorie of the   
Class of 2001." The second blonde stated nudging the girl with short black   
hair.  
  
"That's Valedictorian, Mina, not Valedictorie." Amy stated knowingly.  
  
"Whatever." Mina, the second blonde stated with a shrug. "Anyway,   
we all know you like him, Sere. Why wont you just admit it already?"  
  
"ARGH! I've had it!" Serena nearly shouted. "I do not have to take   
this anymore. I am going in and if anyone wants to join me, be my guest."   
With that, Serena turned on her heal and flounced into the building wincing   
at a distant crash of thunder.  
  
  
"Hey, Sere!" Lita cried, running after Serena. "Wait up!"  
  
Serena stopped, hand on the door, waiting for the girls to catch up.   
When only Amy and Lita moved, Serena tapped her foot impatiently and   
asked, "Are you two coming or not?"  
  
"Yeah, we're coming." Mina and Rei intoned softly as they began to   
follow Serena and the others inside.  
  
"I could have sworn I was right." Mina muttered softly as the door   
shut behind her...  
  
,-_-,,-_-,   
  
"Thanks, guys! I'll see you later." Serena called over her shoulder   
as she and her friends parted ways.  
  
"Bye." Amy and the others chorused going their separate ways.  
  
A soft smile tugged at the corners of Serena's mouth as she slowly   
walked down the sidewalk towards home. The rain had stopped hours   
ago, but the sidewalks were slick with water. Few people dared to brave   
the slick roads and sidewalks, but Serena had no choice. She did not   
have a car and neither did her friends. Her father had offered to give her a   
ride home, but she had chosen to walk instead.  
  
Serena sniffled. Her nose and hands were nearly numb from the   
cold yet she pressed on. There was no sense in calling her father when   
she was only a few blocks from home.  
  
  
The shrill notes of a siren broke the nearly silent night.  
  
  
Serena stopped dead in her tracks to watch as an ambulance raced   
by. It was headed to the hospital, Serena noted silently as she watched it   
disappear around a corner. The wheels nearly left the ground but   
somehow the driver managed to get the vehicle under control at the last   
possible second.  
  
'Must be bad.' Serena thought, worry creeping into her being. She   
had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach, and it was making her   
nauseous. 'Something's wrong.' She thought, brining a gloved hand to   
her heart. 'I can feel it.'  
  
  
Serena took off at top speed, racing towards home, towards news   
she did not want to hear. Somehow she knew what she was going to find,   
but she just could not accept it. Her instincts were wrong. They had to be.   
Yet, her instincts had never been wrong before why would they fail her   
now.  
  
  
Within ten minutes, Serena had covered the one or two miles   
between her and her house. She clung to a light pole trying to regain her   
breath. Her heartbeat raced widely from her jog, but it was nothing that   
Serena did not deal with on a normal basis. She was always late for   
school so the feeling of urgency driving her on was not unusual. In fact,   
the adrenaline is what gave her the extra speed in the mornings. Now   
however, her fear of the unknown is what drove her home.  
  
  
Serena closed her eyes, willing her breathing to return to normal.   
Slowly, her heart rate slowed from its wild pitter-patter to a steady rhythm.   
The cold air stung her lungs making her cough. When the fit passed,   
Serena opened her eyes. What she saw made her gasp in horror.   
  
Parked in front of her house was a squad car. Its lights flashed, but   
the siren was strangely quiet. There was a light on inside the house but no   
one seemed to be home.   
  
A sense of total and utter dread washed over Serena as she   
cautiously closed the distance between her and the front door. Her   
tentative hand lingered on the doorknob as she listened for any signs of   
life.   
  
  
The house was as quiet as a tomb.  
  
  
Suddenly, the doorknob turned under Serena's hand making her   
jump back five feet. Unfortunately, her foot landed on the edge of the patio   
and sent her crashing to floor. She landed hard on her butt and her head   
connected with the pavement rather painfully.  
  
"Oowee!" Serena whined as she rubbed her smarting head. "That   
hurt! Whoever did that had better have a good exc-"  
  
  
"I'm terribly sorry for your loss, ma'am." A rather burly officer called   
over his shoulder as he shut the front door. He was an older man,   
probably in his late to early fifties. He stroked his chin thoughtfully almost   
as though doing so would answer some great mystery.  
  
"It's really too bad what happened to her husband." A female officer   
stated softly, her voice laced with sadness. "I wish there was something   
else we could have done for her. I hate to bring such bad news."  
  
"I know what you mean, McCloud. I know what you mean." The first   
officer stated softly as he moved towards the walkway.   
  
"I guess it's in the Lords hands now." The woman stated softly,   
almost to herself as she turned to follow her partner.  
  
"Aye Lass, that it is; that it is."   
  
  
The two moved almost without sound down the walkway never once   
noticing a stricken Serena sprawled out on the ground. How they had   
missed her, Serena would never know, but at that moment in time, she did   
not particularly care. Something had happened to her father, and she had   
to find out what.  
  
  
Throwing open the door, Serena called, "Mom, mom," over and over   
again but for some reason the house was eerily calm. No one responded   
to Serena's call. Her brother was at a friend's house for the night;   
therefore, the Sailor V game remained ominously silent. Luna had slipped   
out sometime that afternoon, and Serena knew not to worry about her.   
She could take care of herself.   
  
  
Serena ran through the house calling her mother, searching for her.   
She checked the kitchen, the guestroom, the study, and every other place   
she could think of. Still she could find no sign of her mother. Christmas   
decorations littered the floor of the family room and the tree remained half   
decorated. A few colorful ornaments caught the light of the hallway   
sending points of light into the darkness.   
  
  
Thunder crashed in the distance and a lightning blot streaked across   
the sky. The cold winter wind began to gust once more making Serena   
shivered involuntarily.   
  
  
Swish, slam.  
  
  
The sound of the screen door sliding shut broke the silence of the   
night making Serena nearly jump out of her skin. Frightened and upset,   
she spun around on her heel. There, standing with one hand on the   
handle of the patio door was her mother looking for all the world a hurt, lost   
child. Gone was the confidant woman that locked Serena out of the house   
for failing a test. Instead, an old woman stood before Serena. Hints of   
gray streaked her once beautiful black hair. Her eyes held no joy though   
at one time they sparkled. Pain creased her brow, yet, through it all, she   
tried to paste on a smile for her only daughter.   
  
  
Serena faltered. Her heart nearly broke at the sight of her mother's   
tear stained face. She had never seen this woman before her. Ilene   
Tsukino was the strongest woman she knew not this stranger. Her mother   
never cried yet this woman did.   
  
"No..." Serena whispered, her throat choked with unshed tears.  
  
"I-I'm-oh, Serena! He's gone! Your father's gone."   
  
  
Serena's face paled considerably making her appear to be a ghost.   
Ilene stepped forward to comfort her stricken daughter, but Serena took a   
step back. This woman was not her mother. Her mother was strong and   
unmoved by even the best puppy dog face. She never lied yet this woman   
before her did. This woman told Serena her father was gone, gone   
forever. However, how could that be true? Serena had spoken to her   
father only an hour before, and he had been alive and well. He was a   
strong man. He could not just die.  
  
"No, it can't be. I-it can't be true... Can it?"  
  
"Oh, how I wish it weren't!" Ilene sobbed harder.   
  
Ilene sobbed, wrapping her arms around herself and falling to her   
knees in a heap. "The police j-just left-th-they said it was a-a dr-drunk   
driver... H-he d-died on im-impact."  
  
"The-there has to be some mistake!" Serena cried defensively,   
taking a step back. "They-they're wrong! They're wrong! He's alive. I   
know he's alive." Serena cried grief stricken. "You're lying! You have to   
be lying..."  
  
Before Ilene had a chance to speak, Serena opened the front door   
and fled into the night. The door slammed in her wake.  
  
  
"I wish I were..."  
  
,-_-,,-_-,  
  
For Dr. Darien Shields, today had been one of the longest days of   
his 21 years of life. Patients had swamped the ER forcing Dr. Shields to   
put his well practiced surgical skills to work. He had been able to save all   
of his patients with the exception of one...  
  
~  
  
Stretchers passed by in a flurry of motion, but Dr. Shields barely   
noticed so intent was he on getting to the ER. Paramedics had just   
brought in the victim of a drunk driver, and the ER doctors were not sure   
he would make it through the night let alone the next hour. Being the   
surgical specialist on call, Dr. Carter ordered Dr. Shields to come down.   
Now, he raced through the hospital corridors knowing in his heart that he   
was already too late.  
  
  
"What do we have?" Dr. Shields bellowed opening the door to ER 3.   
He held his hands poised in such a fashion that they would not come in to   
contact with the double doors or anything else not sterilized.  
  
"Forty-five year male. Three crushed ribs, possibly a pierced lung-"  
  
"Heart rate dropping rapidly, doctor!" A nurse shouted interrupting   
Dr. Carter.  
  
"I'm putting in a chest tube-"  
  
  
BEEE-  
  
  
The shrill sound of the heart monitor filled the air. A nurse charged   
the paddles, but it was of no use. The man's heart would to start to beat   
again. He was gone.  
  
"Call it." Dr. Carter stated grimly after nearly five minutes.  
  
"10:34pm." A nurse stated solemnly.  
  
A nurse turned off the heart monitor as Dr. Carter and Shields left   
the room. Their heads hung low yet something was nagging at Darien. He   
had seen that man before. He had a family and a wife.   
  
'What is going to happen to them?' Darien asked himself silently.  
  
"I guess I have to go contact the family." Dr. Carter stated solemnly   
as the pair made their way to outside for a breath of fresh air.  
  
"John." Darien asked suddenly.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"What was that patients name. I can't help but think I have seen him   
before."  
  
"Tsukino. Ken Tsukino..."   
  
~  
  
'It was her father.' Darien thought tiredly as he trudged through the   
rain and slush. He shivered involuntarily as the wind picked up around   
him. 'I should have been faster... I could have saved him... I should have   
saved him...'  
  
  
Deep in thought, Darien barely noticed when he stopped under the   
protection of a gazebo. The gazebo overlooked a half-frozen pond that   
would have been beautiful on any other night. Frozen roses shimmered in   
a nearby street lamp and the leaves of ancient oaks and cherry blossom   
trees rustled in the wind. It was always Darien's favorite spot to sit and   
think but tonight only doubts and 'if only' came to mind.   
  
,-_-,,-_-,  
  
Tears mixed with raindrops and raindrops mingled with nearly frozen   
sweat. Cold made her lungs burn yet she pushed on. Her legs grew weak   
but still she pushed on.   
  
  
"He's not gone..." Serena bit out through frozen teeth as she ran   
blindly through the night. The police were wrong. Her father had not been   
the one to die in that crash. It had to have been someone else.  
  
  
Serena closed her eyes not caring where she was going. She just   
wanted the pain to go away. She wanted the anger to subside, but most of   
all, she wanted her father home, alive. Serena never saw the patch of ice   
in front of her. She barely even noticed entering the rose gardens let alone   
the ground in front of her.   
  
  
Pain. It was the only thing that registered in Serena's mind as she   
felt her head collide with the cold cement for the second time that night.   
Serena was dimly aware of yelping in pain before darkness engulfed her in   
its comforting embrace...  
  
,-_-,,-_-,  
  
A soft scream broke Darien from his retrieved making him look up   
just in time to see a young girl with soaked, blonde pigtails crash to the   
ground. Basic instinct took over, and Darien rushed to the young girl's   
side. Tenderly, he brushed wet bangs back from the girl's forehead. He   
knew the hairstyle she wore, twin pigtails adorned by perfectly round buns.   
One girl in all of Tokyo had hair so long and golden. Serena, his sweet   
little Meatball Head, the girl he had a schoolboy's crush on.  
  
  
His heartbeat raced as he checked Serena's pulse. It came weak   
and irregular, but it was there nonetheless. 'Thank you.' Darien thought   
as he gathered the small, fragile girl into his arms. Worry engulfed him as   
he gazed upon Serena's ashen face. Her skin was so pale and cold to the   
touch. Darien knew he had to get her warm or she might develop   
hypothermia from the cold, damp weather.  
  
  
Without a second thought, Darien shifted Serena in his arms and   
began carrying her in the direction of his apartment...  
  
,-_-,,-_-,  
  
Warmth. Soft light. A tender touch.   
  
These were the first things that registered in Serena's mind as she   
began to regain consciousness. A soft smile hovered about Serena's lips   
as she slowly blinked, allowing her eyes to adjust to the soft light.  
  
"Well, hello sleepy head." A soft, masculine voice murmured gently.  
  
Still half asleep, Serena asked softly, "Where am I?"  
  
"You're at my place." The voice replied, just as softly. "You   
collapsed a few hours ago near the Azabu River Walk."  
  
"How long have I been out?" Serena inquired, putting a hand to her   
ringing head.  
  
"About two and a half to three hours, Serena. I was beginning to get   
worried." The voice stated softly, worry evident in the man's tone.  
  
"What!" Serena nearly shouted, shooting up like a bucket of ice   
water had been poured on her. "THREE HOURS!" Pain shot through   
Serena's head and back forcing her to fall back upon the pillow with a   
groan.  
  
"Easy, Meatball Head!" The voice scolded. "You hit your head   
pretty hard back there!"  
  
"Leave me alone, Darien." Serena moaned pitifully. "I do not have   
the strength to deal with you right now. Please... just leave me alone."  
  
"I can't."  
  
"Why?"   
  
"Because if I had, you would probably be dead right now." Darien   
stated softly, avoiding Serena's shocked gaze. "Or pretty darn close to it."  
  
"I-I don't know what to say." Serena whispered reaching out to take   
Darien hand. "Thank you."  
  
"Hey, no prob." Darien joked half-heartedly, a smile softening worry   
lines from his brow. "I was just doing my job."  
  
"No, you weren't, but I thank you anyway." Serena stated softly.  
  
  
Silence fell upon the two for a time. Serena had turned on her side   
away from Darien. She was slightly ashamed of what she had said. He   
had saved her life only to have her insult him as payment for his kindness.   
Darien, on the other hand, was trying to find some way to brake the   
silence. He had to tell her about her father, but he did not know how to   
broach the subject. How does one broach the subject of another's father   
dying?  
  
  
"Serena?" Darien ventured softly.  
  
"Yea." Serena muttered into the pillow.  
  
"Why were you out so late on a night like this?"  
  
Serena turned over in order to face Darien better. He held her gaze   
for a long time before Serena sighed, giving into the concern she saw   
radiating from his eyes.   
  
"Running."  
  
"From what?" Darien inquired.  
  
"From the pain." Serena replied pulling herself into a fetal position.  
  
"What kind of pain?" Darien probed, trying to get the girl to open up   
to him.  
  
"The pain of loosing someone I love-loved very dearly." Serena   
whispered, tightening her hand around a fistful of sheets. A lone tear   
traced its way down her cheek as she remembered what had happened.  
  
"Who, Serena; who did you lose?"   
  
"Papa." Serena whispered brokenly. "I-he's gone and it's all my   
fault."  
  
"It is not your fault." Darien stated firmly, knowing exactly whose   
fault it was.  
  
"Yes it is. He-he was supposed to come get me. He was supposed   
to take me home from the movies, but I would not let him. I told him I   
wanted to walk and now he-he's dead because of it." Serena sobbed,   
tightening her grip on the sheets in order to hide her tears.  
  
"How could you have known this was going to happen?" Darien   
demanded, making Serena lift her head to face him.   
  
"I-I just should have known. I-I should have called him sooner. I   
should not have stayed out with the girls so late. I-I should have done   
something different!" Serena nearly wailed as she sobbed.  
  
  
Darien's heart nearly broke as he listened to Serena sob. If only she   
knew the truth. It was his fault, not hers. He was the one that should have   
been faster. He was the one that should have saved Mr. Tsukino's life.   
However, he had not and now, his daughter lay sobbing in his bed.   
  
Unexpectedly, Darien gathered Serena in his arms and rocked her   
back and forth gently. In this way, he tried to offer comfort to the stricken   
girl, but it was difficult. He had never had anyone to hold him when he was   
younger, and he was not sure what to do. However, Serena did not seem   
to notice; instead, she snuggled deeper into Darien's warmth as he gently   
rocked her back and forth whispering soft words of comfort into her hair.  
  
"It's not your fault..."  
  
~  
  
It had taken three years, but Serena was finally ready to let go. For   
a year and a half, depression had consumed her but with the support of   
her loving boyfriend and later husband, she was able to move on.   
However, the pain still lingered even now, as she stood by her father's   
grave on the three-year anniversary of his death.  
  
  
"I love you, Daddy." Serena whispered to the grave as she stooped   
to put cheery blossoms next to the head stone. "And I want you to know   
that I shall never forget you, bu-but I have to move on. I'm married, now,   
Daddy. I wish you could have been there to see it. Darien is such a   
wonderful man...  
  
"I-I'm happy, now, Daddy, and I know you would want me to move   
on with my life... I hope you are happy-wherever you are... Always   
know that no matter what I will always love you..." Serena trailed off, words   
failing to express her emotions properly.  
  
  
A gentle hand on Serena's shoulder made her look up to meet the   
loving gaze of her husband and once greatest rival. His sapphire eyes   
offered silent encouragement. His touch offered her the strength to say   
what she had to say...  
  
  
"Goodbye, Daddy..."  
  
,-_-, ,-_-, ,-_-, ,-_-, ,-_-, ,-_-, ,-_-, ,-_-, ,-_-, ,-_-, ,-_-,   
  
Sailor Moon and associated characters are copyrighted 1997 Naoko   
Takeuchi/Kodansha, DIC entertainment, Toei Animation.  
  



End file.
